I’ve been absent recently. I just moved and started a new job (thankfully). In the whirlwind of all the craziness, I have been thinking a lot about life.
When I was 16 years old, I thought my entire life was over because of some silly boy. At the time, it was my entire life. I mean, high school is pretty much everything…when you’re in high school. You don’t really think about life after that. But I did. Thought my life was over. After that toxic relationship ended, I lost all my friends. I basically started from scratch. Instead of blaming myself for putting my entire life and happiness into one person, I blamed God. I blamed everyone else instead of holding myself accountable, which is probably a teenager move.
After about 3 months of pitying myself, I decided to take time to learn to love myself again. After all, it was a pretty toxic relationship. Every day, I was either ugly, anorexic, bulimic, etc. The guy was not nice…in the slightest. He took away all my self worth. In that year, I continued to question God. Why he let some of the terrible things in high school happen to me. There were clearly more deserving people, or so I thought. I never stepped back and thought, “hm. maybe that was exactly what I needed.” I was too weak to leave a toxic relationship and friend group. I was never investing any time in myself or my family. It was all about one person. And that’s not healthy.
Since I was maybe (11?) years old, I had been praying to find someone who would treat me like a princess. Someone who accepted me, my family, my hobbies, and my attitude. I have known since I was 4 or 5 that I wanted to be a politician and I was looking for a soul mate who understood my drive and passion. I prayed for a specific type of man. And after I invested time in myself, my family, and my relationship with the Lord, that man had been in my face the entire year I took for myself. I never pursued him. One day, out of the blue, he pursued me.
Timing really is everything and God truly does have a plan. I do believe that the man I am so in love with is the man God had been holding for me until I 100% loved myself again. I have a healthy relationship. I have time to do whatever I want. He supports me as I am and everything I want to accomplish and he helps alongside. He respects me and I respect him. We have learned a lot from each other the past three and a half years, and will continue to learn things about one another. He is truly my best friend. That relationship grew over time.
So in the midst of my babbling and pretty much sappy post that tells the entire world how wonderful my boyfriend is, I just want to say for anyone struggling with how their life is at the moment…
ALWAYS INVEST IN YOURSELF AND SURROUND YOURSELF WITH FAMILY.
Surround yourself with the Lord. Be alone. Spend time with family. Do whatever, but never be afraid to leave a relationship that doesn’t make you 100% happy. You won’t end up alone. Never settle for less. Always strive for more. There is someone out there who is going to show you how deserving you truly are. If that takes one year or fifty years, it is worth it. The happiness you feel around that person will make up for the lost time. But always love yourself first. Respect yourself.
If I could go back to my 16 year old self, I would tell her to suck it up because life DOES get better when you are happy.